Musical Addiction, Lunacy and Perspective
My music programs are always running and open all day long. I have withdrawal symptoms when I’m not at my desk. It feels like a musical addiction. It is creation. I feel I have gotten to the point where I have a dependency with a surge of dopamine, there is definitely a reward mechanism working here. It has become an addictive pattern, I’m just glad it’s not hard drugs (though i don’t condemn or condone these things) but it is not a completely health hazardous addiction since I am still very good at keeping up with my nutrition and a rigorous weightlifting and running program. Though I feel like I am rationalizing, but still there are aspects of any addiction that can shadow and dissipate other aspects of ones self. But it is also a journey, from which to gain perspective.
Though I feel extremely productive and closer to my goal, I don’t believe I have scratched the surface of my creativity, there are many experiences, perspectives left to shape me and my vision. The mind is a labyrinth and I really don’t feel there is a limit to my creativity. I believe it is fractal to some degree, and one has to be open to receive what ever blips surface in the mind. Most of the time I feel I am receiving a transmission. Some people filter this inner dialogue to create. When one has an urge to create, one should shoot for it. It’s the most amazing thing to create. I think art is one of the most useful tools of humanity, for self-discovery and to assuage and escape the consciousness of our finitude . When I look back, I don’t feel like have created all these pieces of music. It feels surreal. Since, just yesterday, I couldn’t even form a triad with my fingers on the keys of a piano. At this point, I am feel I am even telegraphing during an improvisation.
After high school there was piano school, I’d usually walked there and it was 20 minutes away from school and 20 minutes from the time that school ended. I never owned a pedal for my keyboard. I’d always had a very self-exploratory inclination. My head was always recalling musical interjection and fluttering with rhythmic patterns and rhythms that appeared in every day life, one would describe these as everyday sounds, but they echoed in my head as very alive and natural. I barely practiced piano, I excelled really quickly and had many teachers, they often remarked about how I must have practiced extensively. However, I always reassured them I did not practice. But as I recall, I may not have practiced what I was instructed but I was actually practicing materials outside of the lesson. I was learning what I wanted to learn, without even focusing on the material and skipping grades!
In many ways I see how learning outside of school has become very applicable out of school. School was just to give you a little goal. But to maintain a level of aptitude, sharpness and education, one must push themselves outside and come to several personal goals that move you and allow you to flourish forward. So that exterior improvising and doing my own thing was sort of practicing in the shade, where it doesn’t feel like work but it was actually the ticket to creating many more pieces.
Edison, had many chances to create his innovations. You know his quote about failing! This extensively doubles the chances, by trying more times. I’m not saying that every track I create is an A+ but I am more satisfied with more than 80% of the tracks that I create when I make them. Sometimes, I even forget what tracks I have even done. I was going to list how many tracks I created in each month but though it will actually lead to disbelief, so I will say this – however many days that have passed this year – a lot more than that.
Several people have told me, “You can never make too much music!” in this exact phrasing. Perhaps they are right.
* Perhaps a music theory post next !